大姐大
I do not wish to be your big sister.
There’s been this someone whom I have a soft spot for. But. I think it ends there. Unfortunately.
He probably don’t dig a chick like me. 
I like sweet hardworking cows.
A Longing No One Can Fill
Quite missing the feeling of falling in love.
But no one fits the bill. Yet.
Updates of all updates
It’s really been long since I updated myself on the happenings in my uneventful life.
I have been kept busy studying full-time, waitressing part-time, teaching part-time, coming up with more science lesson plans and learning driving all at the same time. It’s quite a feat juggling all these, but I dare say I’ve really better myself at managing my time well and doing work as efficiently as possible, but really at the expense of my social life, which is at last count, quite in the dips.
Unfortunately, or perhaps luckily so, I am still very single and unattached. There have been a few pursuits here and there, as well, which I have dodged. I have finally gone and gotten myself a new hair cut, and quite the funky too. It is a little of a heart ache to have my long locks chopped. But that one year and ten months of hair baggage is quite akin to the worth of the emotional crap I’ve stored up, waiting to be trashed. So out they all go!
Right now, the focus is on earning dough! And I miss the Gothic Jap Porn Star awfully. Nothing beats coffee, smoking and stolen breaks with her.
Extra-curricula of the mind
I am horrendously freaked out by what I dreamt.
Thank God it is only a figment of vivid imagination from a brain that can’t seem to slow down on it’s over-active cells.
It could be my lack of sleep (7 odd hours of rest in close to 3 days) or the night’s ‘uneventful’ happenings that brought about such a weirdity in notion.
The msn conversation between GJPS and myself below has been edited for easy reading.
” miryclay - relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
baby baby baby, i had a weird dream
drugstruck says:
what’s up? tell me about it
miryclay - relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
i dreamt of BBoy who was an asshole
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
last night he came down to obar
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
and i was torn between love and hate can
drugstruck says:
and then?
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
daft my goddess was grinding to him
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
fucking dirty dancing
drugstruck says:
HAHAHA
drugstruck says:
and then?
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
like she went so low like machiam giving him blowjob can
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
argh
drugstruck says:
WAHT YOU MEAN LIKE IN REAL LIFE AND NOT IN YOUR DREAM?
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
real life!
drugstruck says:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
the dream’s another story which im blogging down
drugstruck says:
so is she your goddess still?
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
fuck fuck fuck
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
half a goddess left
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
damn it
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
and he’s such a chao buaya.
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
he talk to every and any damn bitch who just comes onto him
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
WTF BEEP BEEP BEEEEEP!
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
like marco (my floor sup) trying to get this girl.. and this ugly girl tries to get my MAN
drugstruck says:
aw man!
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
dammit
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
and last night he was talking so happily to these bunch of poly girls
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
WAH LAU
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
have some standard can?
drugstruck says:
HAHAHAHA
drugstruck says:
join the fray la baby!!!!!!!!
drugstruck says:
go talk to him!!!!
drugstruck says:
glare at the others who come along
miryclay – relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. says:
thats why my coworkers started calling me a rubbin bin/truck for collecting rubbish like BBoy “
Me, the small deer, has knocked into the wall sia. That wasn’t all that transpired last night. There was the bar-closing incident, which was down right embarrassing to fumble before him cos I was way way way too shy.
Yeah right, I hear you say. Most people only see the proud and confident me strutting around, the one who freely expresses her emotions, yet I hit a stumbling wall when it comes to him. Unknowingly, I’ve nursed a crush for him for close to 2 years!
We had a short exchange of words when he came over to the service area for glassware and when he requested for warm water much later. He had an operation for his arm 2 weeks back to remove the screws/bolts in his hand following a basketball injury.
My heart welled in pain seeing the surgical scars on him. I do think he may have to take quite a bit of time out from his club tournaments and the national squad.
Sigh.
香港深圳之斗 Part 1
Hey folks,
I’m back in Shen Zhen (SZ), and at the neighbourhood’s internet cafe, which by the way, is packed. I had to wait like 5 minutes to get a computer cos all 100+ coms are occupied. There is free wifi at the local coffee joint except my laptop wasn’t charged since I was away in Hongkong (HK) the past 2 days.
I’m not exactly sure if it’s a good thing that smoking’s allowed in the premises cause this place reeks of stale smoke and both neighbours on my left and right are smoking. But it sure is a convenient excuse for me to tell my mum if she does ask if I were smoking. Hah.
Oh, I digress. So as I was saying, my trip to HK has been an eye-opener. It makes me really determined to go backpack and travel around if I can spare the time and money for it. It’s an experience to travel on your own or with a friend or two; treading on unknown territory and having to navigate despite the language barriers or fears of being robbed; the joy of discovering great bargains (cause as a backpacker you’re living on a tight budget) and even drinking beer in a foreign land.
We took a bus to Luo Hu port 羅湖口岸 (or whatever it is called), the borders of SZ, from Nanshan area 南山区, where we are residing in. And so began the journey across the river. It’s almost akin to Johor Bahru and Singapore, separated by the Straits of Malacca, if I do not recall wrongly, except in this case SZ was just a tiny river across from HK.
Immigrations was quite the breeze. Boarding the KCR was quite the breeze too other than having to battle the thronging crowd that fought to rush into the train compartments for seats. It’s about a 30-40 minute ride (can’t recall exactly) to the East Tsim Sha Tsui train station near to where our lodging for a night is.
We put up a night at one of the many guesthouses/backpackers lodges in Chung King Mansions in Tsim Sha Tsui 尖沙咀. It’s impressive cos I read on one of the newspaper clippings on the noticeboard by the lift landing of how Chung King Mansions have had at least 120 nationalites pass through it and it’s truly a hub of globalization. And this is written so on wikipedia as well!
To put it bluntly, it’s almost like living in amplified version of Mustafa! The lady boss of my guesthouse (who also own many other guesthouses in the same building) imports her employees from Ghana, a country in the continent of Africa because she thinks that the PRCs are a lazy, conniving bunch! The picky mother was so freaked out by it cos of the incredible number of Negros and Indians around plus the smell at ground floor was really overwhelming! Hur hur.
For HKD320, we got a twin room so small and pathetic that it’s even smaller than my single room in hall! The good thing was it came with private bathroom (yes, there was a water heater) and a solid air-conditioning so strong we were freezing at night! So after checking in, we went off to our first shopping destination… Mongkok!
By the way, it’s summer so temperatures are blazing, highest at 35 degrees Celsius! I’m very tanned now!
We mainly walked through the stalls at the Ladies Market in Mongkok. It’s very much a tourist shopping attraction, so be wise if you do visit there in future, remember to slash the prices to at least half of what the vendors quote you!!!
Mummy was tired so we headed back to drop her off to rest before the sister and I headed out again! I know this is more of a travel log than a detailed comparison of HK versus SZ, but sister just texted to say that mummy is worried for me walking back to the apartment alone at night.
I’ll continue tomorrow morning. Good night for now peeps.
Backdated July 27th
The last stick I had was on Tuesday evening around 7, just before I boarded the plane. And I finally had my first stick in the past 3 days, as soon as I left the mother after breakfast while I was walking to this dingy stuffy and humongous internet cafe I found, which is about an 8 minutes walk from the studio apartment I’m residing now.There’s so much random stuff to share, and I have a time constraint cos I’m supposed to head over to Hongkong in an hour, so I’ll just dish out in pointers:
1) The 4-hour flight to Shen Zhen was horrendous. Travelling by budget really cramps one’s style, and definitely the choice of reclining positions in air. There wasn’t anyone seated beside me so that gives me and neighbour (2 seats away) more space to play around with. But irritating passenger behind me probably had legs so long that he kept kicking my seat, bearing in mind that the seats ain’t thick and cushy enough so I was ultimately pissed off. But getting the window seat was awesome, as we flew over Hongkong, taking in the aerial view of all those brilliant lights of the city just makes me utter a word of ”WOW”.
2) The food’s expensive and to top it off, the chefs really love dishing out salt and oil in excess.
3) Shopping’s not exactly cheap cheap like in Bangkok. But I enjoy the thrill of bargaining and the 3 women (mumsie, sis and I) have been pretty successful at this. Mostly, thanks to sis who’s already been there for 3 months. Just a quick bit on my sis, I’m really impressed at how she has matured and grown to be so independent. Really proud of her. No longer that whiny little sista of mine.
4) Suayness can diffuse like perfume does. About a week ago, I was slapped with a SGD$200 fine for flicking my cigarette butt with style (I quote the NEA officer who nabbed GJPS and I) and damnation, just yesterday when we were shopping in 东门, my sister’s wallet got pickpocketed. She lost 500HKD, 50SGD and 600RMB. Poor sis, was really sad. That was like her quarter month’s salary as an intern over here. Perhaps I need to make a trip down to one of the temples to ward off all ill luck. To add on to that, is the police here really suck big time. They are fucked up in caps and bold. It’s a long story, and even as I speak, my sister is on the way to retrieving her wallet (found by some guy) with her chinese colleagues and the police lest the guy demands for some huge sum of repayment.
5) On hygiene, one cannot flush the toilet paper down after wiping’s one ass or potpot because apparently, that can caused the toilet to be choked. Yucks.
6) I left Singapore a happy 45kg girl. I think I weigh a lot more now, having had so much to eat. And my jeans a little too tight for my comfort. Not too happy about the weight gain.
7) The lack of goodlooking/cute/handsome men in Shenzhen.
Over the seas
I’m at the budget terminal right now surfing on my laptop. There isn’t anything to do over here, ‘cept to wait for boarding time, which is in another 15 minutes as I type.
I was telling Gothic Jap Porn Star over the phone that I hope there will be cute men and/or rich men aboard the flight, but seeing how it is a budget airline, there’s a low possibility of the latter happening, unless the rich men is damn kiamsiap!
Im getting a window seat! Hopefully, the person seated beside me will not snore or have body odour or be a total crappy person who infringes into my limited space.
I’m seriously hungry; been rushing the entire morning collecting my visa, buying my sister’s art materials that she requested, changing currency, doing the laundry (by the way, i had to iron my panties cos they were still damp from the wash!!!), packing my bag so last minute as usual, and changing my sister’s bedsheets cos she demand that she return home to a nice clean bed. And I’m so darn proud of my efficiency in accomplishing all the above. Well, except I really had no time to eat cos I rushed from Town to Toa Payoh, back home and to Bukit Timah to teach!
GJPS, I’ll miss you love. Take care of yourself. Sheryo too.
Be back in a week. I’ll update when I reach and have photos.
It’s been a long while
It has been close to 8 months since I took stock of my life.
Many things have happened in this period. Getting dumped, leaving school, depression and popping pills are but a few of the events that broke the back of this camel here.
It took me much courage to break the news to all those worried for me, that hey, I’ve finally recovered and crawled out of that retreat into isolation and desolation. I’m sorry if I had kept you guys shut out of my life, especially to bittercoffee and marycherry. Or to those whom I had ceased to contact.
I was close to being on the road of self-destruction. Random coupling with people I didn’t know, whether to establish my worth or deny the anguish in me, I really do not know. I was lost in myself. Relationships and lovers leave living a labyrinth of heartache and betrayal. So much so that I hurt not only myself, but those who do still care for me.
On a fresh note, I’ve shed the veneer of detachment after the numbing I put myself through. To feel for the important denizens in my life and hopefully, gain their forgiveness towards my abrupt exit in the lives of my treasured friends.
It was hard, trying to pretend that all is fine, when nothing is really going right. But thank god, this masquerade of nonchalance is finally unveiled with much support from that one friend who reminded me that these people I deliberately left behind will always be there to love me. I do hope so.
In short, I’m back to embrace life for what it is.
Bruised and knackered
I’ve got about 10 minutes to finish this entry before the boyfriend reaches to drive me over to his place for the night.
Today was rather an eventful one and summarized for easy read.
1) Standard Chartered Marathon – 10km run at Padang
- Needed the loo, waited for 10 minutes at the first toilet I saw and dang, shit littered mobile lavatory, thanks to this girl I believe. Waited another 10 minutes at a second toilet and it is just as bad with toilet or tissue paper lining the bowl to the seat. Gagged and was this very to puking. Imagine having to do a half squat peeing stance with a bad knee.
- Considering that I waited for 20 minutes to pee and with the cracked up scab leaking pus and digging into my skin that hurts with every step I took, I did a pretty good timing.
- I’ve got a face that attracts enquiries from the public. I know I am friendly but I am not Miss-know-it-all.
- I saw an old man scratching his backside with the free post race give-away banana. Hur hur.
- I am so efficient in getting home that almost everyone thought I didn’t run my race.
- I bumped into Sumiko, a school mate, and ex training mate after I’ve bathed and returned back to Cityhall with my mum this time to meet her best friend’s daughter whose boyfriend competed in the full marathon run and completed it in about 3 odd hours.. as compared to my boyfriend’s pathetic timing. And to think he used to be one of Singapore’s top athletes.
2. Sitex at Expo
- I am computer-geekier than my boyfriend. I like visiting such fairs to check out the latest gadgets. I chose spending my limited resources on gadgets to shopping for clothes.
- So many new gadgets on the market and each tempting in its own right. But I only got the necessary wireless router for myself and the wireless adapter for Zhen. Oh and my stylus and the USB charger for my dopod. Wah lan, the new dopod is so woah. Damn it, but $1058 compared to one of O2’s slightly cheaper model.
That’s it for now. Good night and good bye.
Friends
I know I should start calling you guys out but there are things I need to settle like citizenship, registering for basic theory, getting 2 home computers fixed etc.
I’m not spending ALL my time with that boyfriend honestly. He didn’t even bother to call me out for celebrations after his exams finally ended today. Not a single call or message from him since I last saw him on Thursday morning.
And so, I’ll exact revenge the same way. I’ll hide.
Update: Oops look like I was hallucinating. He was sleeping like a pig at home the entire day. He called few hours ago.
